Preparing for family gatherings if a loved-one has dementia this Christmas

 

 

Prepare yourself

Before you worry about what you can do to help a family member or friend with dementia this Christmas, it’s important to remember to look after yourself through this process too.

Seeing a loved-one experiencing any medical condition isn’t a pleasant experience, but when it can involve changes to their mood, personality, behaviour and motor function, this can be doubly hard.

Those who care for them or live with them day in, day out will be somewhat used to the changes by now, but if you only see the person a handful of times per year, the changes can seem more sudden and pronounced. This can be shocking, and even upsetting or traumatic.

Therefore it can help to read up on what kind of symptoms typically come with dementia or, even better, check in with those who are closer to the individual so you know exactly what to expect. Emotionally preparing yourself is one of the best things you can do for the person with dementia.

Plan ahead

If you are someone who lives with or cares for a person with dementia, you may be responsible for a lot of their medical needs.

You might be the sort of Christmas shopper who leaves everything until the 24th, but you can’t afford to be that way with your loved-one’s needs.

Don’t forget that care services, GP surgeries and pharmacies may be closed or operating on reduced hours over the Christmas period, so make sure to stock up on medications and book any appointments well in advance so that they are not left waiting until the new year.

Little and often

Care UK dementia expert Suzanne Mumford advises that relatives should temper their expectations around visits and time with family members who have dementia.

She says: “People feel they have to visit their relative, whether in their home or in their care home, for the whole of Christmas Day. Alternatively, they may bring their loved one to their own home, away from the care home environment where they feel safe and comfortable."

This, she warns, can be a mistake, as people with dementia can be very reliant on routine and can find themselves overstimulated by new environments or constant social interaction. Frequent, short visits are much more advisable.

“I would urge people to think whether taking their loved one from their care home is always the right thing to do,” she says.

 Christmas dinner

Food can be an issue for some people with dementia the other 364 days of the year, so be prepared for similar hurdles on Christmas Day. All the changes to the person’s usual routine might mean there are even more challenges than usual.

Dementia UK suggests: “If the person with dementia has a smaller appetite, keep their portions small. You could sit next to them during the meal to see if they are managing and discreetly offer help, if needed – for example, you could talk them through what is on their plate.”

The charity also advises that “people with dementia may struggle with cutlery” so you could cut their food for them before serving. “Giving them a festive apron to wear at the table is a subtle way to protect their clothing from spills while helping them maintain their dignity and feel respected.”

 Don’t go overboard

In the interest of avoiding overstimulation and unnecessary changes to routine, keep it minimal this Christmas for your loved-one.

The Alzheimer’s Society recommends: “Keeping the day's activities low-key will help your loved-one to relax. If they usually go to church around this time but are unable to, consider online or televised services.

“Sticking to a familiar routine is also a good idea where possible. Having meals at regular times and in familiar surroundings will help to limit any potential confusion.”

One member on the charity’s Dementia Support Forum says: "We kept it as just a normal day. Decorations, Christmassy food and goodies confused my husband and made him more anxious than he already was.

“The children bought him clothes and his usual weekly supply of sweets and no Christmas wrapping in sight. He was used to his supply of sweets but the clothing was put away without him seeing it."

Likewise, the Fremantle Trust suggests putting up decorations very gradually throughout December, explaining: “Sudden changes in scenery can be distressing and disorienting for people with dementia.”

Is alcohol OK?

Another change at Christmas time is an increase in alcohol consumption. Drinkaware reported in 2019 that over 60% of drinkers in the UK claim to over-indulge with alcohol more than usual at Christmas.

However, should people with dementia be allowed to drink more than usual at Christmas – or at all?

Dementia UK says: “If the person enjoys an alcoholic drink, they should be free to enjoy one, but bear in mind that alcohol may increase disorientation in a person with dementia.

“It could also interfere with certain types of medication: the GP or a pharmacist can advise you. Alternatively, you could offer the person alcohol-free varieties of beer and wine.”

Look after yourself

Finally, don’t forget to take some time out for yourself too – for the person with dementia’s sake as much as your own.

The Fremantle Trust writes on its website: “Your anxiety and stress will be picked up on by those around you, including the person you’re caring for, and so by taking care of your own mental health, you’ll also contribute to creating a better atmosphere for them.”

It recommends respite care and professional help such as counselling or therapy to manage the emotions that can come with caring for a loved-one.